Down the Yellow Brick Road in Her Jimmy Choos
by Tigereye77
Summary: Kendall journeys through the Land of Oz as she tries to find her way back home. Kendall and Zendall, and I warn you if you're a Dixie or Lavery Family fan, this might not be a story for you. Some language and innuendo.


She stopped short, the sight of that woman in his arms rendering her completely immobile. Her breathing halted, her muscles froze as she watched her husband, Zach, hold Dixie Martin in a tight embrace.

"Kendall did you find-," Tad Martin's sentence died off as he, Aidan Devane and Jack and Erica Montgomery came up behind Kendall. They all stood gathered in the doorway leading into Zach's casino office.

Hearing Tad's voice, Zach and Dixie broke from their embrace. Their eyes widened as they saw their beloved partners staring at them in disbelief.

"Tad," Dixie choked out. "It's not what it looks like."

"Kendall-," Zach started as he reached out to touch his wife.

Erica darted between the two. "I knew it!" she cried out triumphantly. "Kendall, I told you that you couldn't trust this snake. And with Dixie Martin of all people!" She tossed her hair. "One would have thought you'd have better taste!"

Zach ignored the woman. "Kendall, it's not what you think."

"You know Slater, this is really low," Jack began. "Kendall's just barely out of the hospital!"

"And here she's been, worried about you because of the tornado warning," Aidan added.

"What tornado warning?" Zach interrupted.

"Well, I guess you've been too busy with little Dixie, to even hear about the tornado heading this way," Erica sneered. "Come on Kendall, let's get out of here."

Zach stepped towards Kendall and glared at the Montgomerys. "My wife and I need to talk. Alone."

All she could hear was the noise surrounding her. Voices that made no sense, the howling wind outside. Why did she ever think she could be happy? Why did she ever think that a man could love her, just for her? When would she learn? It would always be the Dixie Martins of the world who would get that brass ring of happiness. The Kendall Harts of the world only had to look forward to kicks in the teeth.

"Enough!" Zach finally bellowed out. He silenced the bickering Martins and the angry Montgomerys. "Everyone out! I need to talk to my wife."

"She's why you didn't show up for dinner," Kendall's quiet voice sounded loud in the silence.

Zach looked back at her. "I was on my way."

"You were an hour late." Kendall's chin came up and he saw the tears in her eyes and he felt his heart break, knowing he was the cause of them. "It's our anniversary. Our one month anniversary."

Zach silently cursed himself. He had been on his way, but a clue had come up on Madden's whereabouts that afternoon. He had hastily grabbed Dixie, but it had turned out to be a false lead. The woman had been devastated and it had taken him a while to calm her down. He had been offering her a comforting hug when the others walked in.

"Kendall-," he reached out to her.

"No!" She yelled out, eluding his grasp. She walked over to Dixie and looked down at the shorter woman.

"Kendall, it's not-," Dixie began but was stopped short by the sharp crack across her face that came from Kendall's hand.

"I knew you were trouble as soon as I heard Zach was helping you!" Kendall spat out.

"Kendall-," Zach said as he began to move towards her.

Kendall backed away, moving closer to the large windows that covered one wall of Zach's office. "No. Don't say anything, Zach. I don't want to hear it now." She was unable to hold back the tears and they began to roll rapidly down her cheeks. "All those times you missed dinner. When you missed the opening of my club. When I woke up and you weren't there. All of those times, you were helping her!" She spat out the last word with enough venom to send everyone back a pace. "No more. I'm too tired. If you want to spend your time with that lying, manipulative tramp, then be my guest!"

On her last word, the building shook as a large gust of wind hit it. There was an ominous cracking sound and suddenly a large tree branch crashed through the window behind Kendall. Something struck the back of her head and she felt this searing pain. The last thing Kendall remembered was the sound of Zach calling her name.

Kendall's eyes fluttered open and she found herself bathed in a warm, gentle golden light. She looked around and realized she was lying on the black couch in Zach's office. Memories flooded her mind as she remembered the events that occurred before she was knocked unconscious.

She sat up quickly and she felt her head spin. "Ohhhh," she moaned as she dropped her head into her hands. After a moment, the dizziness passed and she got gingerly to her feet. "Zach?" she called out. The room was empty. "Aidan? Mom? Jack? Tad? Dixie?" she said the last name hesitantly.

Kendall walked over to the closed office door and opened it. She stood in the doorway, shocked by what she saw.

Instead of the hallway at the Seasons, Kendall saw before her a land of lush green grass, brightly colored small houses, lollipops and candy canes growing out of the ground. The sky was a vivid blue, the likes she had never seen before. And it looked completely devoid of any life.

"I don't think I'm in Pine Valley anymore," Kendall whispered.

"Well, of course not!"

Kendall jumped when she heard the voice. Her head whipped around. "Bianca?" The voice sounded like her sister who was supposed to be in Paris. "Where are you?"

"Down here!"

Kendall looked down and saw a small cocker spaniel sitting at her feet and sounding and for some reason, looking like Bianca. Kendall leaned back against the door. "Bianca?" her voice rose into an uncomfortable pitch.

"That's me," the little dog said as she sat down on her haunches.

"I'm dreaming," Kendall said. "That's got to be the explanation."

"Of course you are, silly," Bianca laughed. Can dogs laugh? She used one hind leg to scratch her ear. "Why else would I be a dog?"

"Okay, this has been fun, but time to wake up now," Kendall said, impatient and not too sure she wanted to see what other doggie thing Bianca might do.

"Sorry, Kendall. You'll wake up when the time is right."

"Well I say the time is right, right now," Kendall snapped out in an angry tone. She left the office and walked out into the strange land before her. Bianca trotted out after her. "I don't like this dream. A good dream is of me on a shopping spree at Neiman's." She looked around. "And I know where I am. I've watched this movie on TV enough and quite frankly I never liked Dorothy."

"Oh Kendall," Bianca said. "Just enjoy it. Besides, you're not going to wake up right now, so why not go with the flow?"

Kendall sighed and looked around. A movement out of the corner of her eye made her whip her head in that direction. She heard a strange hum that soon became distinctly the sound of whispers. Everywhere, heads began to pop out of hiding places as the inhabitants of this land emerged.

"Damn, munchkins," Kendall whispered. "I hate munchkins."

The little people made their way over to Kendall, whispering among themselves.

"She's the one!"

"She did it!"

"Hail the heroine!"

One munchkin, slightly taller than the rest came over and bowed low before Kendall. He looked up and with a shock, she recognized Joe Martin.

"We want to thank you for ridding us of the two wicked witches," he said.

"Two? I thought only one bought it in the beginning," Kendall replied.

Joe Munchkin shook his head. "Your building landed on two witches, and good riddance." He took Kendall's hand and led her over to where the Seasons had landed. At the very corner, she could see two pairs of feet peeking out of one end and some blonde hair at the other. "Two," repeated Joe. "The Witch Babe and the Witch Krystal."

"Damn, and I missed seeing that," Kendall said in regret. "Well, I was happy to be of service. Now where's the nearest exit?"

"Oh, you can't go yet!" exclaimed another munchkin who looked like Jamie Martin. "We need to throw you a party."

"Look shorty," Kendall snapped out. "I just want to get home and out of this whacked out dream."

"Look!" exclaimed a female munchkin. Kendall did a double-take as she recognized Julia Kiefer. The Julia Munchkin immediately disappeared after she pointed out a shining ball of light floating down from the sky. Julia Munchkin was never seen again.

The ball of light floated lazily down, leaving in its wake a trail of glittery stars. It landed gently before the assembled group and dissipated, leaving a small woman with fiery red hair and an airy white gown standing there.

"I am Myrtle, the Good Witch," declared the sphere's occupant. "Thank you for saving these good people from the evil Carey Witches."

"Oh, it was my pleasure to drop the casino on them," Kendall replied. "In fact, you'll never know how much of a pleasure. Look, Myrtle, I like to get out of this dream now."

"All in good time, darling. To get you home is beyond my powers. To do that, you'll need to go see the great Wizard of Oz."

"I knew you were going to say that," Kendall sighed. "Let me guess, I need to follow a yellow brick road."

"Exactly!" Myrtle cried out in delight. "You've done this before?"

"I've seen the movie enough times." Kendall sighed again. "To get home I need the Great Wizard of Oz."

"Yes, darling," Good Witch Myrtle replied with a smile. "You'll find all your answers with the Wizard."

"Okay, so where's this damn yellow brick road?"

Before Myrtle or anyone else could reply, a loud crack was heard and a puff of noxious smoke appeared. As it cleared, a figure dressed in black stood there. She turned and Kendall saw her face.

"Dixie," Kendall cried out. "Well isn't that appropriate?"

"You don't know the half of it," Myrtle muttered.

"Who killed my sisters, the Careys?" Dixie demanded. Her glare sent the munchkins running. "Who killed them?"

"Hey, I'm happy to take the credit for that," Kendall replied as she stepped forward. She looked Dixie up and down, and raised an eyebrow on the cleavage she exposed. "Tacky as ever. Haven't you ever heard of a bra?"

Dixie stiffened and approached the two pairs of feet sticking out from the building. Kendall noticed for the first time that one pair had on gorgeous Jimmy Choo high heeled sandals encrusted with rubies on the slim straps. Kendall had been lusting after the exact same pair of shoes for months, but had not been able to find any in her size.

As Dixie reached for the shoes, an electric charge shocked her. "Aawww!" She turned to glare at Myrtle. "Those are my shoes!"

"Not any more," Myrtle replied shortly. "They have a new owner now." She pointed to Kendall's feet.

The gorgeous Jimmy Choos were now strapped securely onto Kendall's two feet. The golden straps snaked up her slim ankles and the rubies glinted saucily at Dixie. They looked fabulous on her.

"Give them to me! They're mine! Mine!" Dixie cried out. She started towards Kendall.

Myrtle started to move between them, but Kendall drew back her hand and glared at Dixie. "Do you want me to bitch slap you again, bitch?"

Dixie stopped in her tracks. She pointed a finger at Kendall. "This isn't over yet, my pretty!" She felt something warm on her foot and looked down to see Bianca piddling on it. "Arrgghh! I'll get you and your little dog too!" She waved her arms and was gone again in another puff of sulfuric smelling smoke.

"Good work, Binks!" Kendall praised. "Okay, I got the shoes and the Bitch Witch mad at me. What's next on the list?"

"Follow the yellow brick road," Myrtle replied as she led Kendall over to the starting point.

"Follow the yellow brick road," the munchkins chanted as the followed the women. "Follow the yellow brick road."

"Hold it!" Kendall cried out, holding up her hands. "Do not expect me to sing, skip or dance my way down this road. I'm only doing this because, well, it looks like I have no choice. Besides, any dream where I can drop the casino on the Careys can't be too bad." She looked down at her feet where Bianca waited patiently. "Come on, Binks. We're off to see the Wizard."

* * *

Kendall knew this had to be a dream as she walked mile after mile in the Jimmy Choos and not once did her feet hurt. Bianca trotted companionably by her feet. They stopped to rest for a moment by a cornfield. Kendall opened her purse and found several sandwiches, fruit and bottled water in it. She looked into the purse again and pulled out napkins and silverware. The bag seemed bottomless. She even found some wet wipes to wash her hands. Kendall split the food with Bianca and they sat in silence, quietly eating and resting.

"Help."

Kendall and Bianca paused in their meal and looked at each other.

"You heard it?" Kendall asked quietly.

"Uh huh," Bianca nodded. She cocked her head when the cry was repeated. "It's coming from over there." She pointed her nose towards the cornfield.

Kendall looked in that direction and saw a scarecrow on a post. She sighed loudly and got to her feet. "And I thought I could get out of this without picking up a posse. Hang on," she called out.

Kendall made her way over to the scarecrow and looked at how he was fastened onto the pole. He was already fairly precariously perched. If she could just bend a nail…

The scarecrow tumbled to the ground.

"Are you okay?" Kendall asked as she helped him back up.

"Fit as a fiddle!" he declared. Kendall looked up into his face and sighed.

"Tad."

He followed Kendall out of the cornfield and onto the yellow brick road. Bianca gave him a doggy sniff and wagged her tail at him.

"Hello!" she called out cheerfully.

Scarecrow Tad did a double-take. "Did that dog just talk to me?"

"Oh like a talking scarecrow is normal," scowled Bianca.

"Leave my sister alone," Kendall began. She paused. "I mean dog. Sister. Leave Bianca alone!"

"Where are you off to?" Tad asked as he gave Bianca one more curious look.

Kendall sighed and suspected she was going to have to repeat this story several more times. "We're off to see the Wizard of Oz so he can get me back home."

"Really?" Tad asked. He looked eagerly at Kendall. "Do you think he could help me? I really wish I had a brain."

Kendall looked at Tad and then shook her head. "Naw. Too easy. Sure! Why the hell not? Come on and join the fun."

Tad linked his arm with Kendall's and strode jauntily down the road. "You know, if I only had a brain, I could do great things!"

"Like what?" Bianca asked curiously.

"Why, why, I could be this world famous private investigator! I could find missing people! Missing fortunes! I would help so many folks!"

"Missing ex-wives," Kendall muttered under her breathe.

"Huh?" Tad asked.

"Nothing."

"Oh, you're lucky though! You have a brain. How would you like to have a head stuffed with straw?"

"I know some people…" Kendall continued to mutter.

Oblivious to Kendall's comments, Tad began to sing:

_I could while away the hours, conferrin' with higher powers like Erica Kane_  
_And consultin' with Aidan Devane._

Kendall stared aghast at Tad. "Good Lord, he's singing."

_And my head I'd be scratchin' while my thoughts were busy hatchin'_  
_If I only had a brain._  
_I'd unravel every riddle like where's my little girl,_  
_Does she have any complaints?_  
_With the thoughts you'll be thinkin' you could be another Lincoln_  
_If you only had a brain._

"Or John Wilkes Booth!" Kendall snapped. "Will he stop singing?"

"Kendall!" Bianca admonished.

_Oh, I could tell you what's Erica's real age_

_And make sure it winds up on the front page._  
_And then I'd sit and eat a muffin._  
_I would not be just a nothin' my head all full of stuffin'_  
_My heart all full of pain._  
_I would dance and be merry, life would be a ding-a-derry,_  
_If I only had a brain._

Tad stopped and beamed at Kendall. She stared back at him, slack-jawed and uncertain what to say.

"Okay. Brain. For you. Gotcha. Let's keep going."

* * *

They walked for several more miles before they came to a tidy little cabin. They stopped to rest for a moment and Bianca wandered around to the back to take care of some business. Soon, Kendall and Tad heard her excited barking.

"Kendall! Bark, bark! Come quick!"

Kendall and Tad raced around to the back and skidded to a stop next to Bianca. The little dog looked okay, but she was staring up at a rusted, tin man. Kendall looked into his face.

"Jack?"

Though his eyes moved, his jaw was rusted shut. Kendall looked around and spied an oilcan on a nearby tree stump. She snatched it up and hastily oiled Jackson's jaw. Gently, Tad worked it back and forth until Jack was able to move it himself and speak.

"Oh thank you! Thank you so much! I've been stuck here, rusted for so many years! I'm so glad someone finally came along."

Kendall and Tad oiled the rest of Jackson's joints and worked them until they loosened up and he was able to take a few halting steps.

"Where are you travelers going?"

"Were off to see the Wizard of Oz!" Bianca explained.

"Yes, I'm seeing him to ask for a brain and Kendall is going to ask him to send her home," Tad provided.

"Oh geez! Just tell everyone what we're doing. Haven't you heard of not talking to strangers?" Kendall griped.

"Kendall, its Uncle Jack."

"Do you think the Wizard could help me get a heart?"

"Why do you need a heart?" Tad asked.

"Oh God, he's going to sing too," Kendall moaned.

_When a man's an empty kettle he should be on his mettle,_  
_And not lettin' my daughters marry psycho Lavery farts_  
_Just because I'm presumin' that I could be kind-a-human,_  
_If I only had heart._  
_I'd be tender - I'd be gentle and awful sentimental_  
_Regarding Erica and pop tarts_

"How does Erica wind up in every song?" Kendall asked Bianca. The little dog shrugged. Can dogs shrug?

_I'd be friends with the sparrows ... and the boys who shoots the arrows_  
_If I only had a heart._  
_Picture me - a balcony. Above a voice sings low._  
_Wherefore art thou, Romeo?_  
_I hear a beat...how sweet._  
_Just to register emotion, jealousy - devotion,_  
_And really feel the part._  
_I could stay young and chipper and I'd lock it with a zipper,_  
_If I only had a heart._

"Wow, you've really thought that one through," Kendall said sarcastically. "And there's still one more to go. Let's keep going. God, I wonder who's going to appear next on this road trip from Hell."

* * *

The yellow brick road led them deep into a dark forest where strange sounds emanated from the darkness around them. Bianca huddled close to Kendall's ankles and Tad and Jack eyed their surroundings warily.

"I've heard there are wild beasts in these woods," Tad whispered.

"We've got an ax," Kendall said as she waved at Jack. "If that doesn't stop them, we throw you at whatever is attacking us and the rest of us hightail it out of here."

"Hey!" Tad said in a miffed tone.

"You're made of straw! Like they're going to hurt you," Kendall shot back.

Suddenly, they heard a loud roar and a large, furry object jumped in front of them. Even Kendall felt a rush of fear as the animal snarled and snapped at them. She almost turned and ran, but got a good look at the animal's face.

"Aidan?"

The furry creature was indeed Aidan Devane in the form of a lion. He snarled menacingly at Kendall.

"Oh, just cut it out, Aidan," Kendall ordered in exasperation. "Like you're really going to hurt someone."

Aidan's ears and tail drooped. "You mean, you weren't scared at all?"

Seeing how disappointed Aidan looked, the others hastily reassured him.

"Terrified!" Tad replied.

"I couldn't move," Jack offered.

"Yeah, right, scared," Kendall added in a bored tone.

"I almost piddled again," Bianca said brightly.

"You're only humoring me," moaned Aidan. "I can't frighten anyone. I'm a useless lion!"

"No, please, don't," Kendall begged, but sighed in resignation when he started to sing.

_Yeah, it's sad, believe me, Missy, When you're born to be a sissy_  
_Dating only bland women with no curves._  
_But I could show my prowess, be a lion not a mou-ess_  
_If I only had the nerve._

"Well, Maria had some pretty good knockers," Tad said to Jack who nodded knowingly.

_I'm afraid there's no denyin' I'm just a DandyLion,_

"That might explain how Jonathan knocked him out with a magazine," Bianca remarked to Kendall who nodded.

_A fate I don't deserve._

"Hey!" Tad said brightly. "Why don't you join us? We're off to see the wonderful Wizard of Oz. I'm asking him for a brain."

"And I'm asking him for a heart."

"And Kendall is asking him to send her home," Bianca piped up. "Right Kendall."

Kendall was rubbing her forehead. "At this point I only want some aspirin."

"Do you think he can help me find some courage?" Aidan asked eagerly.

"I'm sure he can!" Tad said.

"Why, why," Aidan began, "I'd be brave as a blizzard..."

"I'd be gentle as a lizard..." Jack sang.

"I'd be clever as a gizzard...," Tad added.

"If the Wizard is a freaking wizard and not just some freak!" Kendall yelled.

"Then I'm sure to get a brain,"

"...a heart"

"...a home," Bianca sang. She tapped her paw against Kendall's leg. "Kendall, remember your lines." Her sister glared down at her.

"...THE NERVE!"

"I just want to go home now," Kendall moaned.

* * *

"So, the pretty one has picked up some companions," Dixie the Witch said as she gazed into her crystal ball, watching Aidan the Lion join Kendall's small party. She waved her hand and the picture disappeared. She turned to her pet sitting next to her, a large winged monkey who was busily picking its nose. She slapped the monkey's hand down. "Ryan! Stop that! You have work to do."

Ryan the Winged Monkey gave her a blank look. Dixie sighed and pointed to the crystal ball. "Fly after them and scare them into the Chandler Forest. The haunted trees will take care of them from there. Fly my little monkey! Fly!"

Ryan the Winged Monkey continued to give her a blank look. Dixie sighed and then administered a sharp kick that knocked the monkey out the window. Ryan emitted a shriek, but began to flap his wings and went in search of Kendall and her party.

"Good monkey help is so hard to find these days," Dixie muttered.

* * *

"So, do we go right or left?" Kendall asked as she and the rest of her party stood at a fork in the road. One way led down a deep, dark forest where glowing eyes peered out and strange sounds emanated from. The other path cut through a sunny field filled with butterflies and wild flowers and a convenient rainbow arched high in the skies. "I'm thinking this way. Looks nicer," Kendall said as she pointed to the sunny path.

"Fine with me," Bianca chirped as she started in that direction.

They heard this unholy shriek from above and a large shadow passed over them. Seconds later, a large, winged monkey landed in their path, blocking the way. The winged monkey shrieked again and beat its chest.

"Ryan?" Kendall asked in confusion.

Ryan screamed once more and reached behind himself. He held something in his hands and flung it hard at the others. The object landed a mere foot before them with a splat, a soft, smelly pile of brown matter.

"Yeeeewwwhhhh!" Kendall screamed. "What the hell are you doing?"

Ryan cried out again and began to fling more poo.

"Damn you, monkey!" Jack yelled, shaking his fist at Ryan, sounding very much like Charlton Heston from Planet of the Apes.

A particularly sizable lump of poo hit Jack on his breast plate. Kendall screamed again, the poo coming way too close for comfort, and she and the rest of her group retreated down the other path as Ryan moved menacingly forward, flinging more and more waste.

They had run down the dark path for quite a ways before they realized Ryan was no longer pursuing them. Panting, they leaned against two trees as they tried to catch their breaths.

"Hey watch it!"

Kendall and Tad jumped from the tree they were leaning against. They looked up and saw JR Chandler's scowl embedded on the tree trunk.

"Have some respect for the bark. You're in Chandler Forest now!" sneered the young sapling.

"That's right son!" barked out the older, larger tree Aidan and Jack had been leaning against. The lion and tin man backed away from it and stood next to Kendall and Tad.

"Oh my God, you guys are trees," Kendall exclaimed.

"And what's wrong with that?" JR's leaves shook indignantly. "And we're the best damn trees in all of OZ." He looked down and saw what Bianca was doing. "Hey!" he yelled out as she piddled on him. "Watch it you little mutt!" JR reached down with a slim branch and smacked Bianca away.

The little cocker spaniel yelped in pain. Kendall cried out. "You bastard!"

Adam simply laughed. "That's right son! No one pees on a Chandler."

Furious, Kendall grabbed Jack's ax. "Well, let's see what you do about this!"

She charged JR, swinging the ax high above her and brought it down with all her might on JR's…root ball.

The young sapling groaned in pain and Adam yelled out his name. The older tree shook his leaves menacingly at Kendall who brought the ax back up and glared at Adam. "You wanna mess with me too old…tree?" She fished something out of her purse and held it up for Adam to see. "I've got a lighter here if you really want to rumble."

Adam hesitated, noting the angry glint in Kendall's eyes. He backed down and called out to JR again. The younger Chandler could only groan in response.

Kendall went over to Bianca. "Are you okay?"

The little dog got to her feet and she nodded. "I'm all right. I was just stunned." She shook her head, her long ears flopping wildly. "I'm fine."

"Then we'd best get going," Aidan said as he glanced fearfully around.

"But before we go," Jack said. He walked over to JR and pulled down one of his leaf filled branches. Jack used the leaves to wipe off some of Ryan's poo from his chest plate. He let go of the branch and the poo covered leaves smacked JR in his face as the limb sprang back. "Now, we're ready."

* * *

Dixie the Witch watched Kendall and her friends defeat the Chandlers and she gnashed her teeth in anger.

"I must stop Kendall before she gets to the Wizard!" she cried out. She crooned over her crystal ball, calling on an ally she knew who wanted Kendall as far away from the Wizard as much as she did.

* * *

They met no more strange or dangerous creatures along the way and the path finally led to a field of glass counters filled with bottles of perfume. In the distance, they could see the spires of a beautiful emerald city.

"All we have to do is negotiate this field of perfume counters and we're there!" Tad said.

"Wait," Kendall stopped him before he could walk any further. "What are we missing?"

"There's nothing to be afraid of," Jack replied. "It's only some counters with perfume bottles."

As if on cue, women suddenly popped up from behind the counters. They turned en masse and Kendall could see that they were all Erica Kanes.

"Hello! Would you like to try our fragrance today?" they all said, holding out a sprayer of Enchantment perfume.

It was everyone's worst nightmare, navigate the perfume section where every salesperson around was trying to squirt at you (or it could be some people's nightmare to see so many Erica Kanes).

"There's only one way to do this," Kendall said. "And that's to move through here as quickly as possible before we get overwhelmed by the fumes." She looked at her companions. "Ready?" They all nodded. "On the count of three. 1. 2. 3!"

They all took off running, dodging as many squirting Erica Kanes as they could. But there were too many of them. Kendall, in her high heeled Jimmy Choos couldn't move as quickly and soon the over-powering scent became too much for her to handle. Her steps became heavy and slow until she stopped in her tracks and collapsed. Bianca was just behind her and she dropped next to Kendall's side.

Aidan nearly made it, but was felled just a few feet away from the end of the perfume counter field, overwhelmed by the fumes.

Only Jack and Tad made it to the end because, well, they couldn't smell.

"What are we going to do?" Jack asked.

"I don't know!" wailed Tad. "We can't leave our friends to die!"

But fortunately, Myrtle the good witch had been monitoring their progress as well. She waved her magic wand and a light snow began to fall over the perfume counter field. The Erica Kanes shrieked as the wet snow hit their hair, undoing the elaborate hair do's they each wore. "My hair! My Prada shoes! My Versace dress! Nooooooo!" All the Erica Kanes ran for cover, away from the field.

The snow helped dissipate the strong scent and Kendall, Bianca and Aidan soon began to wake up. They stumbled out of the field and into the waiting arms of Tad and Jack. After a few moments rest, they resumed their way to the Emerald City.

A pair of imposing doors loomed up before them. The door knocker was an elaborately carved piece of jade with gold hinges attaching it to the door. Aidan lifted it and let it fall, sending a loud knock throughout the city.

They waited with held breaths as the little window at the top of the door opened.

"Who goes there?" a head covered in snowy white hair poked out of the little window. The old man glared down at Kendall and her party.

"Palmer?" Kendall queried.

"What do you want, young lady?"

"Uh, we're here to see the Wizard of Oz," Kendall said.

"Hmmpfh!" Palmer the Gatekeeper harrumphed. "Do you think the Great Wizard sees just anyone?"

"But I've come to ask him for a brain!"

"And I've come to ask him for a heart!"

"And I've come to ask him for some courage!"

"And I've come to ask him to send me home, or at least enough cosmos to send me into a drunken stupor!" snarked Kendall. "Look, Plamer, just let us in."

"No!" Palmer shot back. He started to close the little window.

"Now you just wait a minute you old coot!" a voice called out.

Palmer was pushed aside and a strawberry-blonde head with a brightly colored scarf tied jauntily around it, poked through the little opening. A pair of opera glasses were held up and the woman stared intently at Kendall.

"Woman! What do you think you're doing? Go back to your fortune telling and crystals!" Palmer shouted as he tried futilely to push the woman away.

"Now just hold your horses there you old goat," the woman replied. She lowered her opera glasses. "It's you!"

"Opal?"

"No, I'm Opal. It's you!"

"What are you babbling about woman?" Palmer groused.

Opal jabbed Palmer with her elbow. Kendall and her friends could clearly hear her next words. "Let them in! He's been waiting for her!"

"What are you talking about?" Palmer cried out.

"The shoes! Look at the shoes!"

They watched as Palmer's eyes looked down at Kendall's feet. Palmer did a double-take and exchanged glances with a nodding Opal.

The little window slammed shut, but after a moment, they heard the sound of several locks being undone and the great doors swung open.

Beyond the entrance was a busy street paved in green marble. The buildings rose majestically up into the sky where the jewels encrusted in their walls glinted brightly in the sun. Everyone was dressed in the brightest hues with all the women in gowns and the men in frock coats.

"Welcome to Oz!" Opal cried out as she came forward to greet them. She grabbed Kendall's hand and gazed so intently at the younger woman that Kendall began to squirm.

"Pardon me for staring," Opal laughed. "But you are beautiful." She turned and said in an aside to Palmer. "No wonder he wants to see her." She turned back to Kendall and her friends and smiled. "Follow me and we'll get you all cleaned up and some food."

"Thank you, but we'd like to see the Wizard. Now," Kendall demanded.

"Honey, you can't go seeing an important man looking like that!" Opal exclaimed. She took a delicate sniff. "Or smelling like that." She looked at the brown stain on Jack's chest plate.

Kendall sighed and looked down at her own dress that had seen better days. Who was she to say "no" to some pampering?

Opal clapped her hands in delight and led the little party to a large building in the center of OZ. She explained that this was the Wizard's very own castle and he had said that only his private employees would tend to these very honored guests.

They were each led to individual chambers where they were met by the people who would take care of them.

Jack walked into a room and saw a handsome, young African American man and a young blonde girl. Both were in spotless coveralls.

"Dude!" Reggie cried out, waving his hand in front of his nose. "Man, what did you step in?"

Jack would have blushed if he could and explained the flying poo incident.

"Oh, yeah. I know about that big monkey," Reggie replied. "His brother and sister are just as bad, but the one you met, likes throwing around his poo. Don't worry, man. Lily and me will get you fixed up."

"I've noticed that you have several rust spots," Lily commented as she pointed to various areas on Jack's body. "Rust is the substance formed when iron compounds corrode in the presence of oxygen and water. It is a mixture of iron oxides and hydroxides. Rusting is a common term for corrosion, and usually corrosion of steel. We have several treatments for it."

"But first we need to get that crap off of you." Reggie led Jack over to a doorway that had a moving walk. Large rubber streamers covered the entry way and Jack could see water spraying beyond the door and some strange bristly brushes moving.

"What do I do?" Jack asked nervously.

"Just stand on this walkway and close your eyes," Reggie replied. He walked over to a small stereo and pressed a button. Music filled the air.

_(Workin' at the) car wash.  
Workin' at the car wash yeah !  
Come on and sing it with me car wash.  
Get with the feelin' y'all car wash yeah._

Reggie began to dance around, pressing various buttons. Lily moved in jerking motions that screamed "white girl!" trying to imitate Reggie's graceful moves. Jack simply stared uncertainly at them.

"Just go with the flow there, J," Reggie called out as he programmed the machine for Jack's bath.

Jack looked apprehensively at where the sidewalk was taking him. "Help," he cried out.

* * *

Aidan sat nervously in his chair. He was in some type of recliner, anxiously waiting. He let out a yelp as a young woman carrying a large case walked in through the door.

"Easy there," she said with a smile. She was a pretty woman with brown hair and skin a tawny color very much like her hair. She wore a very short uniform and long, slim legs extended from the skirt, and her feet were encased in high heels. "I'm Amanda and I'm supposed to pretty you up for your meeting with the Wizard."

"Oh, I don't know if I can be prettied up," Aidan said shyly.

"Of course you can!" Amanda replied. "Why, you're a very handsome lion."

"Really?" Aidan asked. "Because you know, my last girlfriend, she was a winged monkey, well, she didn't think I was particularly interesting."

"Well, I don't know too much, but I don't think lions and winged monkeys get along too well," Amanda replied doubtfully. She set down her case and opened it. She took out a brush. "Now let's see if we can come some of these snarls out."

Amanda began to gently brush Aidan's mane out. The lion let out a low purr as her rhythmic brushing calmed his fears. Once he opened his eyes to find himself staring at her cleavage which was close to his face. Quickly he shut them, embarrassed that he had looked.

Amanda caught him and smiled. He really was a handsome lion, but so shy! She began to work on his nails, chatting with him, trying to draw him out and make him feel more at ease.

Aidan found himself sharing a lot with Amanda. She was so easy to talk to and so pretty! When she was finished, she led him over to a full length mirror where he could see himself. He looked magnificent! Amanda had done her job well.

"Oh thank you, Amanda! I've never looked better."

Amanda smiled and picked up her case. She led him to a small room where he could have something to eat as he waited for his friends. Before she left him, she turned around.

"Aidan? Just my advice, but you might want to stay away from the winged monkeys."

* * *

"Oh how cute!"

Bianca looked up as a smiling young woman came into the room. She picked up the little dog.

"I'm going to make you so gorgeous!" the woman chattered. "My name is Maggie and I'm sure we'll be great friends!"

* * *

Tad the Scarecrow was lying down on a bed, humming to himself. A very pretty woman with long brown hair came into the room. She smiled at Tad.

"Hello," she said. "I'm Dr. Anita. What can we do for you today?"

"Well, I'm here to ask the Wizard for a brain, but they thought we should probably freshen up a bit before we saw him." Tad looked down at himself. "I've seemed to have lost some stuffing and my clothes are a bit tattered. I've been stuck in a cornfield for years."

"Hmmm," Dr. Anita murmured as she examined Tad. "I'll need to call in some help for this. You're so lucky that we have someone really skilled in these things." She opened the door and called out to someone.

A moment later, a dark, handsome man with intense eyes came into the room. "So what do we have here?"

Dr. Anita gave the man Tad's information. The man nodded and then smiled at Tad. His smile made the scarecrow very uncomfortable.

"Anita's right. I am the best," the man said. He pulled over a tray to the side of the table. "This won't be too bad."

"Who are you?" Tad asked as he anxiously eyed the strange and sharp instruments on the tray.

"Why, I'm Dr. David," the man said as he snapped on some tight, white rubber gloves. "Now we're just going to turn you over, and remember to cough."

* * *

Kendall sighed in pleasure as her massage was finished. Lazily, she stretched and got up, slipping into the robe that Simone held up for her. She padded after the other woman who sat her down in a chair and began to work on her hair as Dani worked on her pedicure.

"Mmmm," Kendall murmured. "This is what I needed."

"And when we're finished, you can change into that." Simone pointed to a beautiful red dress hanging a few feet away.

"Where did that come from?" Kendall asked in surprise.

"Oh honey," Simone gushed. "The Wizard picked it out himself."

"What's he like?" Kendall continued.

"No one knows. The Wizard never sees anyone," Dani informed her. "He just locks himself away in his big office."

"Everyone is surprised that he agreed to meet you and your friends," Simone babbled on as she helped Kendall get into her dress. "He hasn't met with anyone in years."

"Just tucked away, alone in his office. No friends," Dani added.

"Or family," Simone sighed. She and Dani stepped back to admire their work. "Oh honey, you look goooorrrrgeeeeouuuusss! Take a look!"

Kendall stepped over to a mirror and gasped when she saw herself. The dress fit her perfectly. It was a deep shade of red, almost a wine color. The silk fell gracefully, but was fitted in the right places, clinging to her curves. A slit ran high up the left side, exposing one shapely leg. The front was modestly cut, but low enough to reveal her collar bones. The back had a large cut out that dipped low, nearly to her buttocks. On her feet, the ruby encrusted Jimmy Choos glinted saucily.

"Well, I guess it's obvious the Wizard's a man," Kendall joked.

"We'll take you to your friends now and then you can finally meet him," Simone said.

As Kendall followed Simone and Dani down a hall, she felt a flutter of anxiety in her stomach. In this strange land, nothing was as it seemed and she wondered what was in store for her when she finally came face to face with the Wizard of Oz.

They were stopped by a petite blonde woman outside of the Wizard's office.

"I'm Miss Brooke," she said. "Do you have an appointment?"

"We're expected," Kendall replied. "Kendall Slater. And party."

"Hmmmm," Miss Brooke said, as she looked down at her appointment diary. "No Slater here. I'm sorry, the Wizard of Oz doesn't take walk-," The jeweled ear piece she wore started to flash. "Excuse me. Sir? Yes. She's her-. Oh. I see. Yes, sir. Right away." Miss Brooke cleared her throat. "It would seem you are expected. Go right in."

Kendall swept majestically past the other woman, the others following close behind her. As soon as they had entered the Wizard's office and closed the door, Miss Brooke got up from her desk and went back into her closet.

The Wizard's office was empty. It was literally empty. No furniture or furnishings were in the room. Their footsteps echoed across the dark green marble floor. All that was in the room was a decorative wall of carved ivory of various areas in OZ. It stretched across the far back wall.

"Hello?" Kendall ventured hesitantly.

A "whoosh" was heard and a ball of fire suddenly appeared before them. It burned a bright green and the heat was so intense, the small group took a step back.

"I am the great Wizard of Oz! State your business," the ball of fire bellowed out.

Feeling the others quaking in fear behind her, Kendall stepped boldly forward, planting her feet firmly on the marbled floor. Her chin went up in defiance and the skirt of her red silk dress swirled around her legs.

"I am Kendall Hart Slater and I've been told you can help get me home. So well?" Was it her imagination or did the ball of fire flicker a bit?

"And what do you want from the great Wizard of Oz?" The ball of fire split into two addressed the others in the room. As it listened to their requests, it continually merged and split, sometimes into two or three or even four spheres.

"Look," Kendall said, impatient and dizzy from the splitting. "Can you help us or not?"

"And what's in it for me?" the ball of fire asked.

"Well," Kendall began. "How about these shoes? Everyone seems to want them." She extended one delicate foot.

"I'm a ball of fire and gas, what am I gonna do with a pair of Jimmy Choos?" snarked the Wizard.

"Well then, what the hell do you want?" Kendall snapped back. At that point, the Wizard divided into two balls of fire. They dipped slightly and rotated slowly up, as though they were a pair of eyes examining Kendall from the tips of her toes to her head. Can balls of fire leer?

"Dixie the Witch's broom," the Wizard boomed out.

"Come again?" Kendall asked.

"Only if you ask nicely," replied the Wizard.

"What was that?" Kendall exclaimed in surprise.

"The broom!" shouted the Wizard. "Only the broom will do! I will not grant any of your wishes until I have that broom!" And with that, the ball of fire blazed so bright and hot that Kendall and her friends had to shield their eyes and back up nearly to the office door. The ball of fire seemed to implode on itself and then disappeared, leaving them in a near darkened room.

The exchanged glances with each other and quietly left the office.

"What are we going to do?" Aidan asked in a tone of despair.

"Well, we must get the witch's broom," Tad replied calmly. "It's the only way."

"I'm not being ordered around by a pair of balls!" Kendall yelled.

"But the Wizard said only the broom will make him grant our wishes," Jack protested.

"Kendall," Bianca ventured. "There's no other choice."

Kendall looked at her companions. Clearly they were all ready to embark on this stupid mission. And since it didn't appear that she would be waking up any time soon, it looked like she had no choice but to go along.

"Okay, how do we find the Bitch Witch?" she sighed.

Derek, the Captain of the Guards for the Wizard of Oz, provided them with directions and a map. The little group made their way from Oz through another dark and dangerous forest. They had been traveling for some time when they heard a familiar shriek. They looked up and three winged monkeys swooped down on them.

Ryan the Winged Monkey easily picked up Kendall and Bianca in his arms. As Tad, Jack and Aidan were yelling at Ryan, two more monkeys swooped down on them. Erin the Winged Monkey carried Aidan and Jonathan the Winged Monkey picked up Tad and Jack, dangling one in each hand.

The three winged monkeys carried Kendall and her friends off towards Dixie the Witch's castle.

Jonathan the Winged Monkey, since he wasn't quite right in the head, occasionally dropped Tad or Jack along the way there, just for the Hell of it. But no damage was really done to either as they were made of straw and metal.

When they arrived at the castle, they were pushed into a filthy, little chamber and the door locked after them where they had to wait for their fate.

"What do you think Dixie the Witch will do to us?" Aidan asked in a tremulous voice.

"Probably boil us in her hair grease," Kendall snapped out. "How am I supposed to know?"

"I hear she's a real maneater," Tad added.

"Well, then you three should be safe, since you're not men," Kendall shot back. Feeling antsy, she began to pace the room.

"Kendall," Bianca said in a disapproving tone.

"Well," Kendall defended herself. "They are a tinman, a scarecrow and a lion." She looked triumphantly at Bianca, daring her to disagree.

Bianca gave one of her doggie shrugs, conceding the point.

After what seemed like forever, the door to their prison swung open. The winged monkey family gestured for them to come out. Kendall and her friends filed out and were dragged to the highest turret in the Witch's castle. They were shoved into a chamber where Dixie the Witch sat on her throne.

"So," Dixie said as she glared at the little group before her. "You defied my wishes! You went to Oz! You stole my shoes!"

"Get a grip," Kendall shot back. "I didn't steal these shoes, Myrtle gave them to me. I don't take orders from a fashion-challenged cow!"

Incensed, Dixie rose from her throne and pointed at Kendall. "I warned you my pretty! I said I will get you and your little dog and all of your friends! I will take whatever is yours! Everything! Including your husband!"

"Oh, now we get to what this is really about," Kendall laughed humorlessly. "I knew you were always after Zach. That poor little helpless me routine always work on big, marshmallowy types. My husband just happens to have too big of a heart!"

Dixie tossed her hair, though it didn't move too much since she used too much hair products that morning. "Zach needs a real woman. Someone who appreciates him and agrees with everything he says! Not a self-centered tramp like you!"

"Me a tramp? Look at how many marriages you broke up, you homewrecker," Kendall hooted. "He's smart, but my husband has too big of a heart. And more courage than anyone I know! Zach loves me and only me."

"Too bad you really don't believe it, Kendall," Dixie taunted. "And why should he love you? You're suspicious, mean, nasty. You don't trust him. No wonder he has to go looking for action somewhere else."

Incensed, Kendall could only see a red haze in front of her. "My husband loves me. He would die for me and I would die for him."

"All you care about is yourself, Kendall. You always have and you always will. You don't give a damn about Zach. You won't even fight for him."

"You want a fight? I'll give you a fight!" Kendall rummaged in her purse and pulled out a bottle of water and some of Fusion's mango-pineapple super shine shampoo. She opened both bottles and squirted the contents onto Dixie, screaming, "Rinse and repeat, bitch! Rinse and repeat!"

Dixie let out a horrible scream. Her skin began to bubble and ooze. "Help me! I'm melting!"

Dixie continued to dissolve into a pile of green and black goo as Kendall took out bottle after bottle of water and shampoo from her purse, dumping the contents of both onto the witch until Dixie was completely destroyed.

Kendall stood above the puddle that was Dixie the Witch, breathing heavily and holding an empty water bottle in one hand and a shampoo bottle in the other. The Lavery Winged Monkeys stared blankly at each other and took off with a shriek, flying far away, never to be heard from again. Some suspect they went to Canada.

Tad, Aidan and Jack approached Kendall. Tad held the witch's broom in his hands. "We've got the broom, Kendall. Now we can go back and get our wishes granted by the Wizard."

"Are you okay, Kendall?" Bianca asked as she patted her paw on Kendall's leg.

Kendall nodded. "I did it. I destroyed, Dixie."

"Well, technically, this is a dream and what you did was destroy all those insecurities you've been dealing with," Bianca said. "Your subconscious manifested those insecurities into Dixie whom you perceive as a threat-,"

"Binks? Don't get all Freud on me."

"Sorry."

"Since this is my dream," Kendall continued. "Can you do one more thing for me?"

"What?"

Kendall gave Bianca a look.

"Oh! Sure."

Bianca walked over to the pile of melted goo that used to be Dixie and piddled on it. "Take that be-yotch!"

* * *

The trek back to Oz took Kendall and her friends much longer than they had anticipated. No flying monkeys were around to give them a lift. But they made it to the Emerald City and once again, Aidan used the knocker to get Palmer's attention.

This time, they were let in very quickly. Though Kendall wanted to see the Wizard immediately, they were hustled once more into their individual chambers and allowed to freshen up.

Impatient and fuming at the delay, Kendall and her friends were finally ushered into the Wizard's inner office. The great ball of fire whooshed into the room.

"Back so soon?" Kendall detected a note of surprise in the Wizard's voice. "Do you have the Witch's broom?"

"Right here, Wizzy," Kendall replied jauntily as she put the broom before the Wizard. "Now pay up. Give these guys what they want and send me home."

"Hmmm," the Wizard replied. "No deal. That's not the broom I wanted."

"What! What the hell do you mean it's not the broom you wanted? It's the Bitch Witch's broom!" Kendall yelled. "I wasted a couple of bottles of Fusion shampoo to get this broom!"

"I didn't want her broom, broom, I uh, uh," hemmed and hawed the Wizard, "I wanted her kitchen broom," the Wizard explained. "It's actually a Swiffer all purpose broom and mop. No deal. Sorry, can't help you."

"Now wait a damn minute!" Kendall shouted. "If you think you're going to weasel out of this business transaction, you've got another thing coming!"

As Kendall continued to argue with the ball of fire that repeatedly split into multiple spheres, Bianca wandered towards the back wall where the carving of the various areas of Oz was located. She sniffed around it and noticed a loose piece. It was above her head, even when she was on her hind legs. Curious, Bianca jumped up and down and after her fourth try, hit it with her nose. The loose piece moved inwards. Bianca jumped back as a section of the wall began to slide open. Bianca's eyes widened when she saw what was behind the wall. She wheeled around and ran at full speed back to Kendall and the others.

"You want me to bring out some bottle water and use it on you?" Kendall threatened. She started to reach into her purse. "Because I tell you, I squirt a mean one! Let's see how long your balls hold out against my Evian!"

Bianca's paws slipped from under her. She couldn't get any type of traction on the cold, green marble and she slid across the floor towards Kendall. The speed of her momentum turned Bianca into a small cannonball and when she hit Kendall's ankles, it caused the woman to teeter and fall onto her backside.

Kendall landed on her rear end, the skirt of her red dress hiked up to her thighs and her legs bent and spread in a decidedly unladylike and suggestive fashion. "Bianca!" Kendall yelled out irritably. A hand brushed back some curly locks. "What the hell-"

Kendall's voice died off as she saw the back wall panel moved aside to reveal a room behind it. In that room was an elaborate computer and next to it stood a man dressed impeccably in a gray suit and dark violet shirt. He seemed to sigh slightly and then stepped out of the room.

His expensive, handmade leather shoes echoed quietly across the marble floor as he made his way towards the group. He stopped right before Kendall, his eyes traveling up her long, exposed legs, resting on the area her pushed up skirt shadowed, but teasingly hinted at what was beneath the material. Infuriated and embarrassed, Kendall clamped her thighs together and tried to push her skirt down. His eyes lit up in mischief as they continued upwards, lingering on her chest for a few moments watching it move as Kendall breathed heavily, before they rested on her rosy cheeks and eyes that sparked with anger.

"You-, you-. You!" Kendall stuttered out, too angry and shocked to speak.

The man helped her up and his hands lingered on her bare arms. He tilted his head to one side.

"I knew that dress would look fabulous on you," Zach said.

Kendall wrenched herself free from Zach's hands and stepped back. She crossed her arms and glared at her husband. "I should have known you would turn out to be the Wizard!" she snapped out. "You, the king of manipulators doing what you do best. Manipulating."

"You mean you're not a wizard?" Tad asked forlornly. "I'm never going to get a brain."

"Or a heart."

"Or the courage."

"Of course you will," Zach replied his eyes never leaving Kendall.

Kendall snorted inelegantly. "Oh, this I've got to see. Come on, Zach. Let's see you whip out your magic wand and make everyone's dreams come true."

Zach's eyebrows went up and he stepped in close to Kendall, invading her personal space. She could feel his warm breath on her skin as he leaned towards her and said, "I usually reserve my magic wand for special occasions." His eyes traveled up and down her body again before he stepped away.

Kendall's breathing had increased somewhat and she felt uncomfortably warm. He hadn't even touched her and already her body was alive and tingling, yearning for him. She scowled, giving herself a mental ice bath. "Think of unsexy things," she muttered to herself. "Adam Chandler in a tutu. Erica getting waxed. Hell, Joe Martin getting waxed." She shuddered at that last image and felt her body shrink away from any sexual desires. For now.

"You want a brain, heart and courage, right?" Zach asked as he went down the line of Kendall's companions. When they all nodded, he made a small affirmative noise and fished a remote control device out of his pocket. "Then we can accommodate you." He clicked a button and out of the floor rose a comfortable chair and desk, similar to what he had back at the casino. Seating himself behind the desk, he hit a button on the desktop. "Miss Brooke, would you come in here please, and bring The Box."

Moments later, Miss Brooke entered with a gold box covered in priceless jewels. She deposited it on Zach's desk and with a nod of her head acknowledging his thanks, she quickly withdrew. Presumably to go back to her closet.

Zach stood and put his hands on the golden box. "In this box is the way for you to get what you want."

They all gathered around the desk in breathless anticipation as Zach opened the lid to The Box. He reached in and pulled out…a book.

Zach handed the book to Tad who, with a puzzled look on his face took it, and read the title aloud.

"Logic and Detective Skills for Dummies," Tad read. He looked quizzically at Zach.

"Tell me," Zach asked Tad, "If you had a brain, what is the one thing that you want to do most with it?"

Tad thought long and hard, and he had to work overtime since he didn't have a brain, but he finally gave Zach an answer. "I want to find my little girl!"

Zach nodded. "Then that book should help you. It'll teach you the steps to go about looking for your missing daughter."

Tad opened the book. "Hmmm, chapter 1: Making Sure Your Crazy, Skanky Ex-Wife Doesn't Give Your Daughter Away." Tad looked up, his eyes aglow. "I feel smarter already! Thank you Mr. Wizard!" He skipped his way out of the room.

Zach grinned as Kendall gave him an incredulous look. "You have got to be kidding me!" she sputtered.

"Got rid of him, didn't I? He's happy right? Win-win. Besides, learning some detective skills will help Martin. Next!"

Jack came forward, looking hopefully at Zach. The Wizard contemplated the Tin Man silently for a few moments.

"So you want a heart," Zach mused. "Why? Don't you know that it can be broken? Why would you want to set yourself up for something that painful?"

"Why, so I will be able to love!" Jack exclaimed. "I don't want to go through life not caring about anyone. Being so detached. If you can't care for someone, no one can care for you. I don't want to be alone like that. You don't know what it feels like."

The change in Zach's eyes was so miniscule, one would have missed it if they didn't know him. But Kendall did, and she saw the impact of Jack's words on her husband. As angry as she was at Zach, she couldn't help but feel her heart ache for him.

"Don't be too sure about that," Zach murmured. He pressed a button on his desk and another section of the wall behind him slid back. Out strolled Erica Kane.

"Meet your heart," Zach said to Jack as he presented the woman to the Tin Man.

"I don't understand," Jack replied. Nonetheless he took Erica's hand.

"You said that you don't want to go through life not caring for someone. It's not a matter of whether you have a heart or not. You do. It's opening that heart to let someone in. Once you do that, you'll be aware and realize you do have a heart. Always had. When you fall in love, you'll realize that that person you love becomes your heart. Your soul. Your life. And they've been out there all along, waiting for you. I know. Believe me, I know." Zach had stopped looking at Jack and was staring at Kendall.

She stared back at her husband for several moments as Erica and Jack jabbered away. They didn't notice when the Tin Man escorted his new heart out of the room that Bianca slipped out as well, presumably to piddle again.

"Uhmmm, excuse me?" a timid voice said.

Kendall and Zach turned to the last of her companions, Aidan, the Cowardly Lion who was worrying the tip of his tail with his paws.

"Courage!" Zach said in a booming voice. "Right. You're the one who wants some courage. Courage to do what?"

"Well," Aidan began haltingly, blushing at the question. "I just don't seem to be able to, you know, have the courage to find a lady. Approach them and such."

"You want to score with the ladies?" Zach asked in surprise. "That's what you want courage for?"

"Not score!" Aidan exclaimed with a blush. He sighed. "I just don't seem to have the nerve to go up to a girl I like and ask her out. That's why I end up with winged monkeys, like Erin."

"Hmmm, I see," Zach replied. He pressed another button on his desk and yet another section of the wall opened up.

Del Henry strolled forward.

"Uh, Zach?" Kendall began hesitantly.

"What every guy needs is a wingman," Zach explained. "You know, when you're interested in a gal, but she's got this, er, uhm, winged monkey as a friend with her, your wingman is supposed to take the uhm, winged monkey while you get the hot chick."

"Zach!" Kendall exclaimed in horror. "He wants courage! Not dating tips!"

"Not what I heard."

"Duuuuuddddeeee!" Del came forward and high five'd Aidan's paw. He threw a congenial arm around the lion's neck. "We are going to go to this great bar I know in Oz. All the women are super hot." Del started to steer Aidan towards the door and out of the office. "Not a winged monkey in sight." The door closed after them and Zach and Kendall were left alone.

Kendall turned angry eyes on Zach. "That was SO not what should have happened."

Zach took a seat behind his desk and propped one foot on top of it as he leaned back in his chair, a smug, satisfied expression on his face. "He's gone, isn't he?" His eyes traveled the length of Kendall's body again, a leisurely exploration that made her blush. "And what," he growled out in a voice that sent a shiver down her spine, "Can I do for you?"

"Do me?" At Zach's raised eyebrows, she realized she left out an important word. "I mean, do for me?" she hastily said. "You can get me the hell out of here. All I want is to go home to Spike, slam that skank Dixie's head in a locker, kick her out of my casino and change the locks on the condo."

"Now why do you want to do that?" Zach asked. He smiled slightly as the angry light burned in Kendall's eyes. This should be good. "And it's our casino."

"Right. Our casino. As in yours and mine and that also allows me a say in who stays and who goes and Mrs. Skank-A-Lot goes."

"Kendall," Zach sighed. "Her daughter-"

"Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah," Kendall interrupted making little beak flapping movements with her hands as her head tilted from side to side with each "wah". "My sympathy has run out with that woman. Look, she gave up the kid. Simple as that. She didn't even bother to tell Tad! Just decided that her baby was better off and blissfully signed her away to strangers."

"Like you almost did."

"Oh, no. Do NOT compare me with that Greasy Beastie," Kendall snapped. "My situation was completely different. First Ryan didn't want a baby. Then he did. Then he got "rights" over my body. Dixie didn't even let Tad know he had a daughter. Different situation and the fact that you even dared compare us is a one way ticket for you to soprano-ville and I'm not talking about New Jersey. Now, you gonna grant my wish and get me out of this whack job of a dream?"

Zach rose and came around the desk, stepping very close to Kendall before leaning against the edge of it and folding his arms across his chest. "Is that what you really want? To go home?"

"Yes," Kendall let out in an exasperated breath. "Haven't you been listening? Or did all that hair grease from Dixie get stuck in your ears? I want to go home."

Zach reached out and slid his fingers underneath one shoulder strap of Kendall's red dress. She was unable to control a shiver as his fingertips skimmed her skin.

"What if you're already there?" Zach asked his eyes still focused on that slim piece of material.

"Huh? Uh, uhm, where?"

"Home," Zach replied. "What if you're already there?"

"Home is not some Technicolor land filled with freaky people. It's Pine Valley, my condo, Fusion, Spike. Okay, maybe the freaky people are in Pine Valley too, but you get what I'm saying. It's not here."

"Why isn't it?" Zach continued. He had moved from the strap to rubbing her bare arms. "Home is where you are. That's where home is to me."

"Well, if you haven't noticed, you haven't been home a lot. You've been playing, Captain Save- A-Ho with Dixie."

"Captain Save-A-Ho?" Zach couldn't help letting a laugh escape.

"You heard me," Kendall snarked. She started to take a step back, away from his very magical hands, but Zach reached out and stopped her, he gently pulled her towards him and between his legs, trapping her. His hands traveled down her back to cup her butt and draw her closer to him. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Just trying to get you to listen to me," Zach murmured. He leaned forward to nuzzle her neck. "God you smell good."

She nearly melted right then and there, but calling upon reserves of strength she didn't know she had, Kendall put her hands on Zach's chest and pushed off of him, sending Zach tipping backwards and herself a few steps away from him.

"Stop that!" she cried out. "This is serious! Every time I try to talk to you about this, you distract me with you know, that look."

Zach regained his balanced and perched himself once more on the edge of his desk. He folded his arms over his chest. "What look?" he asked, even as his eyes traveled up and down her body.

"That one!" Kendall barked out. "The let me rip off your clothes, toss you on the desk and see how many ways we can do it from A-Z." Kendall momentarily lost her train of thought as those images rushed through her head in brilliant and very detailed ways. Especially the letter H. From Zach's expression, she could tell he was thinking the same things, but maybe the letter Y in his case, especially when he licked his lips and started to move off the desk towards her. Kendall held her hand out in a stopping motion. "No. We are going to talk about this."

Zach sighed and settled back down. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Like why you feel the need to run after Dixie every time she stubs her toe, for starters," Kendall snapped out.

"You mean play Captain Save-A-Ho?" Zach asked, his lips twitching with a smile.

"Yes." Kendall sighed. "Stop laughing! I've told you why it bothers me. It's, it's like, Ryan and Greenlee all over again."

All humor drained from Zach's face and he stood up and walked over to her. His hands went to her shoulders. "Hey, you don't really think I'm going to do to you what Ryan did with Greenlee? Do you?" Doubt creased his face.

"Oh gee, why would I think that? You're only helping a "friend"." Kendall made air quotes with her fingers, knowing it really irritated Zach when she did that. "I've only asked you to stop and you can't because she's a "friend". (She did the air quotes move again, earning an annoyed look from Zach.) "Dixie wah, wah, wah's," Kendall bobbed her head side to side with each 'wah', "and you go running. Why would I think this is Ryan and Greenlee all over again?" Her sarcasm couldn't hide the hurt in her voice, nor could she keep back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. Kendall wrenched herself away from Zach and turned her back, crossing her arms in front of her in a protective gesture.

"Honey," he began as he lightly touched her shoulder. Kendall shied away from him and Zach dropped his hands to his side before shoving them into his pockets. "It's not like that. I don't know why Lavery was so hell bent on helping Greenlee that time, but it's not like that with me and Dixie."

"How am I supposed to know that?" Kendall cried out as she whirled on him. "You don't talk to me! You don't tell me anything! You just pat me on the head and send me home, telling me everything will be okay. Am I just supposed to accept that?"

Zach sighed and rubbed his face with one hand. "No. No, you aren't supposed to accept it and I didn't realize I was doing that to you. Kendall, you have to understand, since I was 17 I've been on my own, never answering to anyone or really having anyone care about me, wonder where I am. Expecting me home for dinner." He gave her a slight smile. "This family thing is all new to me. I've got to learn everything from scratch." He pulled Kendall into his arms and kissed her hair. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize how I was making you feel or even that I was doing all this. I'm just so used to keeping things in nice, neat compartments that only I deal with. I guess I have to understand that having a beautiful wife and son, well, I can't keep things from you guys."

"No, you can't," Kendall sniffled. She laid her head on Zach's shoulder. "You truly promise? You'll stop helping Dixie?"

"No," Zach replied. He tightened his arms around Kendall before she could wrench herself free. "But I'm letting Tad do all the work. I'm just going to offer my resources to them both and I will deal with Tad only." He grinned down at her suspicious look. "And I'll make it clear to Dixie that's all she'll ever get from me." His hand brushed her hair from her face. "I'm going to be too busy making love to my wife and raising our son."

"I'm going to hold you to your promise," Kendall threatened.

"Oh honey, I'm going to want you to hold a lot of things of mine," Zach growled as he bent his head down to kiss her.

As they kissed, Zach's hand touched a remote control and pressed a button on it. Silently a large bed rose up from the floor. Without breaking their kiss, he bent down and swept Kendall up in his arms and carried her towards the bed.

Many, many pornographic hours later, Kendall was lying naked and contented in an equally naked and contented Zach's arms as he played with her hair.

"I think we only got up to the H's," Kendall purred. "You still owe me the rest of the alphabet in all the things you said you'd promise to do."

Zach chuckled and drew her closer. "Hmm, and remember, I'm going by lower case and uppercase to double the fun."

"Big and little?"

"Honey, there's nothing little here. Let me show you." Zach drew the covers over their heads.

After many more pornographic hours, Zach and Kendall were even more contented than before, but only equally naked. Kendall was falling asleep when Zach nudged her. "Honey? Wake up."

"Hmmm? Wha-? Is it Spike?" Kendall blinked her eyes and started to push herself up into a sitting position.

"No, Spike's fine, but you've got to go home now, Kendall."

"What? Home? What are you talking about? My home is with you!"

One of those rare, brilliant smiles broke over Zach's face and he hugged her a little closer to him. "And my home is with you."

"So why are you sending me away?" Kendall pouted.

Zach laughed and kissed her pout, thinking she looked simply adorable and quite delectable right now. Thoughts of some more pornographic hours invaded his mind. He saw Kendall giving him a demure and sly look, Zach didn't know that combination was possible, having guessed accurately what he was thinking.

"Are you sure you want me to go now," Kendall murmured as her hands began to do very nice things to his body.

"Er, huh?" Zach stammered. He shook his head to clear it. "It's time, Kendall. You have to leave Oz now so you can go back home and be with me and Spike. For real."

Kendall sighed and she flopped down onto her back, breaking contact with Zach. "Oh, all right." She turned a glare on him. "But when we get back to reality, you'd better do a couple of those A-Z things for real."

"Just tell me in real life and I'm sure I'll be happy to oblige," Zach replied with an amused look.

Kendall grumbled and sat up. She threw her legs over the edge of the bed and started looking for something on the floor. Zach was treated to a fine view of her naked derriere, one of his favorite parts, as she got off the bed and bent over, hunting for something.

"What are you looking for?" he asked, fascinated by the sight of her naked cheeks.

"The shoes. The Jimmy Choos. That's how this story ends, right? Wear the ruby shoes, click your heels three times, yada, yada, yada. Here's one." Kendall held up one sandal and began to look around for the other. She found it under Zach's discarded pants. Sitting back down on the bed she began to put them on. When both shoes were securely on her feet she stood up in front of Zach. "Okay, click my heels three times and say there's no place like home over and over again, right? Zach? Zach? Are you okay?"

He was staring at her with blatant hunger and he licked his lips. His voice was a mere growl. "Get over here."

"What? You said I had to leave now." Kendall was confused. First he's pushing her out of bed now he wants her back in it. Then she realized what was going on. She had the shoes on but nothing else.

"You can go home later," Zach was still growling and was now reaching for her.

"Now you wait," Kendall laughed as she skipped away from his grasping hands. "Oh come now."

"That's what I'm hoping to have both of us do."

"Stop that!" Kendall scolded though she couldn't help but laugh some more. "I'm serious! You said it was time for me to wake up and when I do, we can do all this stuff for real." She glared at him suspiciously. "Wait. Unless you don't truly mean your promise about dropping Dixie and her search and we're just going back to the way things were before this dream."

"I don't know, Kendall. It's your dream." Infuriatingly, Zach calmly leaned back against some pillows, his hands laced behind his head.

She glared at him. "I swear," Kendall snarled. "If you're still playing Captain Save-A-Ho, Dixie is going to have a Hell of a lot more to worry about than melting and I'm going to stick my sharpest stiletto into your-"

"I get the message!" Zach interrupted her. He winced imagining where she would stick her stiletto. "Look, I'm Dream Zach, so you're going to have to work all this out with my real life counterpart. I'm sure he'll be smart enough to do the right thing." His eyes took on a far away and lascivious look. "I suggest asking him after you do that thing with the thing, oh honey, do that and any man would agree to whatever you wanted."

Kendall gave him a smug look. "So you enjoyed that."

"Uh huh, as a matter of fact why don't you come here and-," Zach reached for her again but Kendall moved away once more, this time with regret.

"No, you're right. I'm going to have to go back to the real world. Hopefully I'll get another chance so I can do that thing on Zach unless he decides helping Dixie is more important."

"If he does, I'll kick Real Zach's ass."

"Why is my Dream Zach so much more helpful?" Kendall laughed.

"No ho's around to play Captain Save-A-Ho," Zach replied cheerfully. He gazed lovingly at Kendall. "Kendall, you know it'll all work out. We're meant to be. There's simply no other choice for either of us. We may go through bad and rough times, but it's always, only us in the end."

Tears filled her eyes and Kendall smiled at her husband. She was tempted to jump him again, he did look rather tasty sitting there in that large bed, bare chested with only a small, not too small though, throw pillow modestly covering his manly parts, but Kendall knew it was time to go home and that she would soon truly be in Zach's arms.

Kendall closed her eyes and clicked her heels three times, saying repeatedly, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home."

After about a minute of that she cautiously opened one eye and found herself immersed in total darkness. There was no light, but she could see and all she saw around her was blackness. No furniture, no Zach, nothing.

"What's going on?" she yelled. "Zach? Zach!"

"Zach."

Zach's head snapped up and he leaned in closer to Kendall. Her head was moving back and forth on her pillow and she was murmuring his name.

"Kendall, honey, I'm right here," Zach said softly as he brushed a gentle hand across her forehead.

Her eyelids fluttered and then slowly began to open. The light wasn't too bright in the room, but Kendall hastily closed her eyes again and winced.

"Ohhhh," she moaned. "My head."

"I'll go get a doctor," Zach kissed her lightly on her forehead. She could hear the scrape of a chair as he stood and his footsteps crossing the room.

As she waited, Kendall gingerly tried opening her eyes again and after a few moments, succeeded with a minimal amount of pain. She saw she was in a hospital room. She didn't have to time to process much more than that as Joe Martin came in followed closely by Zach and Erica.

"Glad you're awake, Kendall," Dr. Joe said in a cheerful voice.

Kendall eyed him warily, remembering the last time she saw Dr. Joe he came up to her waist and was dressed in something resembling lederhosen and carrying an oversized lollipop.

"You received a pretty nasty bump on your head, Kendall," Joe continued. He shined a light in her eyes, watching how her pupils reacted. "You were out for a while, but I don't think there's any serious damage. Just a mild concussion so we'd like to keep you here overnight." He leaned in close and smiled benignly at her. "And if you're a good girl, I might even be able to find a lollipop for you," he said jokingly.

Kendall gasped and recoiled in fear, surprising the others. They looked questioningly at her.

"Er, uhm, I'm trying to cut down on my refined sugars," Kendall covered. "New diet," she continued weakly.

"You're the last person who needs to go on a diet," Joe continued in his cheerful voice as Zach looked oddly at her. "But we will keep your dinner light tonight. You shouldn't have anything too heavy. I'll check in on you later." He nodded at Zach and Erica and left the room.

"Oh honey!" Erica exclaimed, darting in front of Zach and sticking out her posterior to block him from getting too close to the bed. Kendall saw Zach narrowly avoid running into her mother, his hands raised in exasperation as he rolled his eyes. Really, it was a move that would have done some hockey players proud. "I was so worried. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up, but," she threw an angry glare at Zach, "they would only let one person in here at a time."

"Husbands trumps mother, Erica, get used to it," Zach snarked.

"Oh, right, like you've been acting like a 'husband'," Erica delicately made air quotes irritating Zach even more, "lately with all the running around you've been doing with Dixie Martin."

Right on cue, Dixie barged through the door, Tad, Aidan and Jack close on her heels.

"Zach! Thank God you're here!" Dixie cried out as she darted over to Zach's side and clutched his arm.

Kendall rolled her eyes and winced as pain shot through her head. But it didn't stop her from muttering, "Of course Dixie's here." Only Zach heard her.

"Where did you think I would be?" Zach asked in irritation. To Kendall's immense delight she watched as he disengaged his arm from Dixie's grasp and sat down on Kendall's bed, lounging on one elbow as he rubbed her feet through the blankets. Erica was a small woman, she couldn't body block the entire bed.

"Oh Zach! Zach!" Dixie trilled. "I think I've found a clue on Madden! If you'll go with me to follow up on it…"

"For God's sakes, Dixie!" Tad yelled. "His wife is in the hospital and you want to drag him away from her bedside?"

"He's done it before," Dixie replied in a smug tone.

"Kendall, Erica," Jack said as the Martins argued with each other. "I'm sorry, Aidan and I tried to stop them but they just pushed their way in here."

"Zach! It's a real, viable clue!" Dixie shrieked.

"Well you want to share it with me?" Tad snarled. "Afterall, Kate is my daughter, not Zach's."

"I think we all need to calm down," Jack began.

"How dare you barge into my daughter Kendall's room! She's hurt!" Erica yelled.

"My daughter! Zach! My daughter!" Dixie mooed.

Zach watched as Kendall closed her eyes in pain and lifted her hands to her head as the arguing grew progressively louder. He had had enough.

"SHUT UP!" Zach roared over everyone as he stood up from the bed. The room grew quiet and they all looked at him with their mouths hanging open.

"This is what we're going to do," Zach continued in a softer, calmer voice. "Each of you will leave now so my wife can get some rest. Dixie," he said as he turned to the woman. She looked smugly at Erica and Kendall and waited breathlessly for Zach's next words which she was sure would be, "Now, what's this clue I can help you with? I'll go with you while Kendall gets some rest."

She was disappointed.

"I'm sorry, but I can't help you track down every lead you get on Madden, or any leads, anymore," Zach continued.

Dixie's mouth dropped open and everyone else looked at Zach in surprise.

"Kendall's accident made me realize how much time I've spent away from her and I don't want to spend another second not by her side." Dixie drew in her breath sharply. "Tad can and should be helping you with your search. It's his daughter." Zach looked over at the other man. "Tad, you and Dixie can have my resources to help you. I'll talk to you later about arrangements."

"Thank you, Zach," Tad replied in a stunned tone.

"One more thing, Dixie," Zach continued. She looked expectantly at him. "We've got a convention coming in and I'm going to need your room. You've got plenty of relatives in town, I'm sure they'll be glad to have you stay with them."

Dixie, Erica and Kendall's jaws dropped, but for very different reasons.

"Bu-, but, Zach, my daughter," Dixie stammered, trying to rally in some way.

"Our daughter," Tad said in a firm tone. He grabbed Dixie's arm and gently pulled her away from Zach and towards the door. He looked back at the other man. "Thanks, Zach. I'll be in touch later."

"You're welcome," Zach replied. The Martins left the room.

"Well! I never would have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes," Erica exclaimed. "Of course, how long will that last? I mean, it's a nice little display you put on here Zach, of the devoted "husband" (air quotes), but your act isn't fooling anyone."

"Erica," Jack sighed. He smiled over at Kendall. "Kendall, I'm glad you're okay. Your mother and I are leaving now so you can get some rest." He steered Erica towards the door.

"Jack! My daughter Kendall needs me! We can't leave her to the mercy of that man! I can't believe you're manhandling me like this!" Her voice faded away as Jack took her from the room and the door quietly closed behind them.

Aidan coughed gently and Zach and Kendall turned their attention to him, having forgotten he was even there to begin with so easily had he faded into the background.

"Kendall," he said. "Glad you're doing better. I'd best be going. Del Henry and I are going to go grab some drinks at ConFusion."

"You're having drinks with Del?" Kendall asked weakly.

Aidan and Zach looked at her curiously. "Yeah," Aidan said. "Why?"

"Nothing," Kendall mumbled. "Just don't pick up any winged monkeys."

"What?" Zach was giving her a strange look.

"Uh, it's a new drink at ConFusion and probably not something you guys want to order," Kendall said. She waved her hand. "Concussion. Ignore me."

Aidan smiled and nodded his head goodbye then left the room. Zach however was staring thoughtfully at Kendall.

"Well," she continued. "You do know how to clear a room."

Zach sat down on her bed again. "My wife needed her rest. Doctor's orders." He gently rubbed the top of her hand with his thumb and his voice took on a serious note. "You scared the Hell out of me, Kendall," he said softly. "When you were unconscious, it just reminded me of your coma and I-" His voice trailed off and Kendall felt an overwhelming wave of tenderness and sorrow that he had gone through all that again. She reached out to gently touch his cheek.

"I'm sorry for scaring you," she said softly. Zach turned his head to press his lips against the palm of her hand. "I know how painful it was for you during my coma."

Zach moved forward to kiss her and then touched his forehead to hers. "It doesn't matter now that you're back with me," he whispered.

Kendall enjoyed their few moments of togetherness, but she had to ask. "Sooooo," she drawled. "You've given up on the Save Dixie campaign."

Zach pulled back slightly and looked at her with a mixture of exasperation and amusement. "It wasn't about saving Dixie, it was about finding her daughter and no, I haven't given up. I'm just simply letting Tad take the lead and do the work. I'll be happy to help them through my contacts, but I've got more important things to do."

"Important things," Kendall repeated. "Like that convention coming into the casino. Nice touch, by the way, kicking Dixie out."

"Thought you like that," Zach replied as he settled himself down next to her. Kendall snuggled up next to his side as he put his arm around her shoulder. "And it's actually the truth, we do have a big convention coming in and I need that room, but the staff can handle all that. That wasn't the 'important things' I was talking about."

"So what are?"

"Well, Spike's been bugging me about getting him his first hockey stick, so me and the boy need to go shopping for that. Plus Myrtle needs someone to put her storm windows and she's sort of angry it wasn't done sooner because we just had this tornado."

"And?" Kendall prompted.

"That's pretty much it. Ouch!" Zach yelped as she pinched him in the side. He grinned at her and drew her closer to him. "And you. Taking care of my beautiful wife's every whim." He became serious again. "All that fear when you were unconscious, it came rushing back to me and I realized how stupid and foolish I've been not taking and spending every waking moment with you and Spike. I'm sorry honey, you've got to be patient with me. This whole family thing is so new to me and I've been an idiot taking it for granted. Today made me realize how easily it can all be taken away and there was nothing I could do about it." He buried his lips in her hair.

"It's going to take a lot more than a stupid tornado to take me out," Kendall sniffed. She could feel Zach grinning.

"That's what I'm counting on," he said softly. "I don't ever want to be without you, Kendall."

"Just try to get rid of me."

"Never in a million years," Zach murmured before he kissed her.

The kiss could have easily turned pornographic but Zach felt Kendall wince slightly and pulled back, giving her concerned look.

"Kendall?"

"Head," she murmured, touching the back of her head lightly. "Still hurts."

"I really should let you get some rest." Zach started to disengage himself from her embrace, but Kendall stopped him.

"I can rest just fine like this. That is, if you don't mind?"

Zach smiled at her and drew her towards him again, settling her head comfortably against him.

"There's no other place I would rather be," he declared.

Kendall sighed in contentment and they sat there quietly for a few moments. She was starting to doze off and murmured sleepily.

"You're just like Dream Zach."

Zach looked curiously at Kendall, but she was already asleep and he didn't want to wake her.

Dream Zach? he wondered.

* * *

Kendall stretched out her toes and wiggled them as she snuggled more deeply into the many pillows that made up her backrest on the couch. After being released from the hospital that morning Zach had brought her straight to the condo for a happy reunion with Spike. The three of them had spent several blissful hours curled up on the couch together before Spike fell asleep. Zach had gently picked up their boy to tuck him into his crib in the nursery.

She sighed in contentment and closed her eyes, a smile curling her lips. She didn't even realize Zach had come back into the room until he sat down on the couch and picked up her bare feet and placed them in his lap. Without any encouragement from her, well, maybe a bit of a toe wiggle, he began to rub her feet.

"Mmmmm," she purred. "This is definitely one of those important things you should be doing."

Zach chuckled. The foot rub continued in silence and Kendall was drifting off into sleep when Zach spoke.

"Kendall?"

"Mmm?"

"You said something back at the hospital yesterday."

"Hmmm? Oh? What did I say?" Kendall yawned.

"You said I was just like 'Dream Zach'. What did you mean by that?"

He hadn't stopped massaging her feet and his tone was casual, but cautiously, Kendall opened one eye to look at him. Zach was concentrating on her feet, but she knew he wanted some type of answer and like a dog with a bone he probably wasn't going to let an explanation like "concussion" do the job.

"Concussion. I didn't know what I was talking about," Kendall said in an equally casual tone.

Zach finally looked at her and his expression clearly said, "Yeah, right."

Well, it had been worth a try.

Kendall sighed loudly. "Okay, fine. When I was unconscious, I had this really freaky dream and you were in it and so were a lot of other people. That's all."

"Really?" Zach looked interested. "What happened?"

Kendall sighed again, in exasperation this time. "Zach. It was nothing. Just some weird, wacky dream caused by a bad bump on the head."

"Hey, you talked about 'Dream Zach' and the way you said it, sounded like he was pretty cool. I need to know who my competition is." His hands had moved up to her calves now and the massaging had taken on a more sensuous turn.

"Mmm, promise you won't laugh?"

"Promise."

For the most part, Zach kept his promise. As Kendall told him about her unusual Wizard of Oz inspired dream, he kept a straight face through most of it though his lips did quirk a little when she mentioned Dixie was the witch. His head nodded knowingly when she told him who her traveling companions where and he laughed outright when she related the scene with Ryan the Winged Monkey.

"Oh come on! I had to laugh at that one!" Zach protested when she playfully swatted him with a pillow. "Besides, you're the one who cast him in that role, not me. Go chastise your own subconscious."

His eyebrows did shoot up when she revealed that he was the Wizard and then he stopped her when she glossed over the details of some of the hours she and Dream Zach spent together.

"Wait," Zach stopped her. "I think you need to explain a little bit more about what happened."

"Well, the details are sort of fuzzy," Kendall replied demurely, though she gave him a wicked look.

Zach frowned at her but she only gave him a serene smile. Finally he chuckled and leaned over to give her a quick kiss on the lips. "Fine. I'm just glad you're back here with me and not hanging out with Dream Zach."

Kendall stopped him from pulling back by wrapping her arms around his neck. "My Dream Zach is right here," she murmured before kissing him.

After a few moments, Zach pulled back. "Mmm," he growled. "Oh, before I forget, I wanted to give you something. For our one month anniversary." He reached over the couch to grab a gaily wrapped gift and deposited it on Kendall's lap.

"So you did remember," she exclaimed in pleasant surprise.

"Of course I did," he replied indignantly. "And I have to say, it was pretty hard getting my hands on that!"

Curiously, Kendall opened her gift and was rendered speechless when she saw what it was. Nestled in a soft bed of tissue were the ruby encrusted Jimmy Choo sandals.

"How, how did you find them in my size?" she asked in wonder. "They've been sold out of these for months!"

"I have my ways," Zach replied smugly. "Bet Dream Zach didn't give you shoes."

"He gave me something," Kendall murmured.

"What was that?"

"Nothing!"

Zach eyed her suspiciously and wondered again should he be jealous of himself. Mentally he shook his head. That didn't make any sense. "Why don't you try them on and model them for me?" he said instead.

Kendall smiled at him and then swung her legs off the sofa. She was wearing yoga pants and a hoodie. "I need to get into the right outfit or you won't get the full affect." She hurried off towards the bedroom.

Zach shook his head and picked up the discarded gift wrapping and box. He had to smile though at her eagerness to provide him with a fashion show. He wondered what she would pair the shoes with? That red dress he liked so much? Or maybe it would be the slinky black number with the thin straps. He continued to straighten up the room when he heard Kendall clear her throat.

"That was fast," Zach said as he turned around. Any other words he was about to utter died away when he saw her standing there. She had changed but he would have never guessed she would have paired those expensive, somewhat ridiculous but incredibly sexy shoes with this shapeless garment that completely hid her figure except for her magnificent legs. However, he never thought she looked sexier and every single drop of blood in his body rushed to one particular spot and the only sound he could utter was a simple, "Erp."

Kendall stood there, leaning against the doorframe that led into their hallway wearing nothing but her Jimmy Choos and his Red Wings Jersey. Seeing she had rendered her husband speechless and immobile, though she could see there was some movement in one area, she sauntered over to him and leaned her body against his, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Like?" she purred.

"Erp."

"It's okay," Kendall said soothingly. "I don't think you need to talk." She dragged him towards the couch.

Many pornographic hours later that Spike blessedly slept through so they were never interrupted, Zach had one arm wrapped around Kendall and another toyed with one of her shoes.

"Mmm," she murmured. "I think I'll have to call these my lucky shoes."

"Actually, I think they're OUR lucky shoes," Zach replied. "Honey, can you do that thing again?"

Kendall grinned and she moved towards him as the shoe fell out of Zach's hand.

And thus, this is how Kendall found her lucky shoes and they lasted her for years and years. The lucky shoes actually have very little wear on them because whenever Kendall put them on, for some reason the Slaters never made it out of their home.

**THE END.**


End file.
